ONE WITH CHAOS?

I have had a strange and unnatural pull to this sort of topic, and no I don't mean chaos magick. It is weird that no matter what I always find my way to the chaotic and dark side of the universe, even manifesting a dark mojo bag that I used to alter my luck with dice, I went so far as making a spiritual being to slaughter those who harmed my family (never fully finished them). Some stuff is on my bio. I have thought of building a magickal system designed to utilize These unimaginable forces. I always get my way out of that spot in life tho. any thoughts on the matter, what do you think of my sittuation? if you want to talk about stuff PM me.

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In China there is the existential duality of Ying and Yang, when Taoists (among others) kindly recognized that the human being is composed of this duality in its own nature, at levels capable of building deities and belief in them. Just as in the philosophy that our wages are derived from our work (prizes and ordeals), having one side showing itself so strongly is a sign that you can abuse the other, where generally the balance in the use of both brings the best results. Of course this is far from the Western blunderer that we should "wait" for the deities' graces for the results of our deeds. Apart from the graces (for free?) that someone receives, the only thing that is certain to fall from the heavens is rain.