All my life I have been repelled by my "real" father. He has abused me emotionally, and physically. He would tell me that I was worthless, that all I did was hurt him, that I am unlovable, I could go on. Deep inside something told me that he wasn't my real father, that my real father was some one else. Not long ago, I had a dream, the God Neptune came to me. He greeted me with a smile and told me that he was my real father, that I didn't need to take any heed to the hurtful things my "father" said to me because he, the God Neptune was my real father. He reminded me that I am loved, that I am a child of the Sea, and that he would be there to guide me when I felt hopeless. Then he took me into his arms and embraced me. I felt so peaceful and like finally the question in my heart had been answered. I've had a few dreams about Neptune since then and I always felt better, although a little confused when I woke up.
All my life I've tried my best not to be delusional or to jump to wild conclusions. Apart of me is very happy that Neptune came to me. Then there is the more "human" part of my mind that tells me I am a huge bitch for even thinking of such things about my father. I've reported my abuse to friends and family and they all tell me that my father loves me and that his abuse is his way of expressing his love for me. These answers always leave me feeling so unsatisfied and everything inside me screams, "THEY'RE WRONG!"
So, what are your thoughts? Am I crazy? Or is there something more to this mystery?
Sounds to me like you spoke with your "higher self" and saw it as neptune. People do that at times. It could have been something else *shrugs*. All of us carry the god aspect within us. Many others also come from homes where we were mistreated. The best thing you can do in your life is to find that love you search for within yourself. Once you do that you become more open to the love around you, and the possibilities out there.
O.K. when your friends and family tell you that you father loves you and hurts you because he "loves you" that is just a bunch of lies. YOU DO NOT HURT YOUR LOVED ONES! NO MATTER WHAT! It is inexcusable and, if I were you, I would abuse him back!
Sorry to hear about your relation with your father...and im pretty sure abuse isnt always the action for saying "i love you"...you might want to go get professional help? :(
But about the main topic, i wouldnt say you're going completely insane. Im no expert on this, but it might just be your brain compensating for the lost father figure that you want in life. So basically the dreams of Neptune might just be made up by your subconsious so that you wont feel as bad. Again, Im not knowledgable in this area, but thats my opinion. However, it does sound like you have a close connection with Neptune, so he might be the god you should worship (worship isnt the right word here....but hopefully you know what i mean.)
Nightmarekid, it is a bit inappropriate for you to suggest someone abuse someone, regardless of the circumstance. Sirena, your not crazy. People dream of things like this when they have issues. It could have been just a dream, he could be your guardian or a guide with a similar name. You never know till you investigate further.
By the way, your not worthless. Most abusers use these tactics to make themselves feel better about what they are doing. You will be in my prayers :)
Wow! That was a fast response! I've always had an intense connection with the sea, I feel so incredibly at peace when near the sea. I have started connecting to Neptune more and he has answered my questions! Thank you all for your support!
AngieD, I agree that abusers abuse to make themselves feel powerful because really they are powerless and angry about that. And I wasn't suggesting Sirena017 to abuse her father, I was saying that if my father hit me and called me worthless, I would break his jaw and... well, you get the point.
Trust me, there's been many a time that I wanted to break his jaw. But I knew that wouldn't lead to what I ultimately wanted: love. And it seems Neptune has granted me that ;)
