Magic Forums

I have been trying different methods of meditation. I've tried clearing my mind, I've tried focusing by saying something over and over. I've tried visualization.

Unfortunatly, my mind seems to be able to literally think of 3 things at once, picture each thing at the same time and I have yet to be successful of having anything meaningful enter my head.

I read posts here that I feel like I understand somewhere deep inside me, but can't seem to understand on the simplest level, if that makes any sense.

I'm getting frustrated with myself and my efforts. While I know it takes time and practice , I find myself upset that I can do somethings and not fully understand how I am doing it, and try other things that I know I know how to do somewhere inside of me, but can't. I can feel on somedays so much energy within me that it feels like I should be able to see it shooting out of my finger tips. It's to strong on those days actually. I have no idea to do with it. It has at times given me a feeling of being on top of the world, a natural high...but also makes my body ache and feel like I'm going to explode.

It's as if there's a wall in me with a window. I can see inside, and know it's there with an instruction book on what to do with it, but the damn thing is locked and it's 6 inch plexiglass so breaking it won't work.

I could be wrong. Maybe I am not meant to understand things, or go beyond basic spells that anyone with enough will can do. Perhaps I am simply wishing it...but it doesn't feel that way.

I have no idea how to knock down this wall. I have no idea how to get my mind to stop racing and thinking of ridiculous things.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!