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i really need to talk to talk to somebody
there is a problem which was bothering me for a very big period of time
i am Jewish (but that's of course is not the problem) the problem is that the Jewish law extremely hardly forbids worship of any other gods (and goddesses) beside the god Shaddai as it was commanded by him himself - this is the second most important commandment for a Jew (it's even forbidden by the Talmud to listen to music which is played by or was written by people which worship any of those gods)
the only mentioned reason for this is as it was said by El Shaddai himself - "for i am JHWH a jealous god [among the gods]" i never told anyone as i feel shame for this but i find this somewhat egoistic and self centered
unfortunately i feel great sympathy towards neo-paganism and various polytheistic religions such as Asatru and various ancient cultures such as the Egyptian one and don't forget the New Age movement (for some reason i just associate it with peace and love comfort and caring)
i think that in the subconscious level it bothers me even more then in the conscious one - to such point that tears at sometimes show up
i just don't know what shall i do
no way that i am going to "cheat" on the god of my fathers for there is no one among the gods and goddesses which is grater then him and created them himself
but then again that just disturbs me so much i have no idea what shall i do! what shall i do?