Magic Forums

Hi,

I need some perspective here. I had a major breakthrough today in regards to me calling myself a Pagan and I need as much help as I can get.

Back when I started exploring Wicca, I was just converting from Christianity. Therefore, I never tried to adjust to polytheism, which makes me realize I was never officially Pagan to begin with. Currently, I hold the psychological fear of believing in deities or God, because I don't like to believe in something blindly from past experiences.Belief in that stuff is blind belief, so I fear it immensely. I fear blind belief because the last time I blindly believed someone's deception and lies, it really hurt my psyche and caused me to think twisted things. Blind belief in my mind is unhealthy. I know for sure that I don't want to believe in a specific pantheon or God of any kind at this time. But, deep down I hold an intense longing for that kind of belief to be real to me again.

Basically, I'm questioning if this path is right for me anymore. I know I can only learn this for myself. I plan on attending a Unitarian church to explore and challenge my thinking. I still want the Pagan or witch lifestyle in my life; I love it extremely. But, today I have felt as if I've been aching inside because of all my fear and doubts. I feel as if I've dabbled in this for so many years only for this negative type of outcome. I'm trying to stay positive, but I need some advice.

Are there any other types of Pagan sects that rely less on deity belief that I can look into? I plan on learning more about Shamanism, Druidism, and Buddhism. But, are there any others that openly allow magick practice? When I explored Wicca, I think I was mainly there still for the witchcraft in spiritual ways. When I did rituals, I would cast them out to the Universe or I'd call it the Divine to relief my confusion about polytheism. I sent it to the Universe because it felt more comfy for me to do. Or, can I just practice witchcraft for my spirit and hope to learn of what path to go down from that?

I want to begin looking at alternative paths. Are there any paths I could look at that I haven't mentioned? Any advice or comments? I know that this is a personal matter that only I can figure out, but any type of help, path suggestions, or moral support would help during this tough time. Thank you for being such a great community. I can never repay all of those who have helped me here.