Magic Forums

im new here..
i don't know where Togo.. so i posted here. i think its better then asking someone directly. let me introduce my self..

name: Muhammad khoirul anwar (in arabic that mean the brightest lights of Mohammed's goodness)
birth: 3 january 1995, 10.AM
religion: Muslim

i believe in magic, and i want to learn about magic.. but i must know about my self first. like, what can i do, what can't i do, what kind of magic that equal or maybe suit with me, how i know when I'm ready to use magic...

with the subject i write above i think you already know what i mean..
help me find my own spiritual energy.

ow. a little story...
why i want to learn magic...
when i was 16yrs old my parent tell story that my childhood is full of mystical issue.. like, born as premature, several month got several illness....
next year after my birth. i wake up screaming in almost all night at full moon, then my father casting some spell to me with sugar as tool(my mother say that, my father keep it secret) to calm me down.
4yrs old, i've baptized. in my culture its should be 5yrs old to do that. but still idk why my father did that, ithink its because im abnormal or I'm special...
9yrs old, changing culture. leave my father's believe, and feel suit with my mother's culture. (my father and my mother is from different race, but their God is One and the Only One) and my parents, both leave me until i'm 15 yrs old.
2010 (15yrs old)back to my father's culture. but something is wrong. this culture is more like mythic tradition than just Muslim religion that i believe. until now i really want to leave this place.
2011 (16yrs old) i ride my first motorcycle, (in my medical history) may,27,2011 friday night get crashed in traffic.. both my arms are cracked, almost lose my left eye.. no. i remember my left eye is full blind and flashing red like i see some unstructured thing but it's definitely something..
2days later out of hospital., and next week somehow its cured like nothing happening. but scratch in my brow its never fade untill now.
2012 (17yrs old) found an ancient weapon that exist since world's war 2 (you know when nuclear bomb at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, our country is also in the middle of war.INDONESIA), But that weapons may be older. i ask to my father. he say it's his father's weapon. he tell story that weapons have mythical power. some able to call wind, another can conjure something unseen (like ghost,jin, demon or something), and the other can force enemy to suicide.. there are 4 weapon sealed with magic sircle with arabic letter. the last weapon is unkown power.. also he said need magical instrument to take care of it
2013 (18yrs old) at the end of my high school. crash again but this time i survive at 130 km/h. im ok, but my bike is splited into two pieces. idk how it's happen?.
2013 (before college) just right before saying goodbye, my father stop me and give me an amulet. its have 5 side, circled Arabic letter inside it.. (i can give you a picture if u want it).
2017 (22yrs old) now i'm graduated with good rank. But!

YEARS AFTER YEARS i seeking the truth about me, my family, my father, and my Father's father. still can't find the answer.
so last month i ask again about those ancient artifact (weapon). he telling the truth, but still i think he hides something as he slam my mother cus she almost touching those weapon.. my sister also not allowed to touch them. i asking why woman not allowed and my father change the topics..

i ask my uncle about my grandpa, he say : only my father that recieve little knowledge as heirloom and that weapon to cast it, and some rituall is needed to regain its power. but i never see when my father use those weapon. and when first time i found that weapon its ruined, Rusty, two of them is still structured.

some night i have a dream. isee its original structure. colored cloud around it and something inside it. i wake up quick after i see creature inside it. not sure what is it. i think i should let this dream flow to find the truth. some time that nightmare appear but its in rare conditions. idk when the next dream or nightmare appear.

i still can't find the clue! after i open up my memories.
still, no clue about my ownself. i mean the truth of my self..
i can't use magic.

will someone help me?
you can analyze my story,
you can say im crazy, or i cursed, or i was blessed with magic.
help me please.. i trust you guys
help me find the truth.
and how do i know my own spiritual energy.


Thankyou. you can asking more about me