What were those?

Yes, thank you Barbi. This is where I actually belong. You guys are my family. :)

Dahvid, indeed depression is bad. I am feeling better now after last night went awful.
And might be, as far as I have known my chakras were opened when I recieved my Reiki level I and II attument and they got balanced when I did the cleaning and balancing with my pendulum. So, it might just happen.

It sounds like you are familiar with depression to me as you did not argue the fact of the doctor.

Well I am. I have been to four doctors already, and none of them could help me properly. let's see, I am planning for another.
I know I need help, so better not argue and accept it. :)

What was it about those doctors that you did not like lol?

First of all, they would not accept me the way I am. I got scolded for going out with a guy (that's a dumb thing indeed), for my faith, of course. They were like how dare you giving up your own faith and go to something "nasty and evil like witchcraft". Then the dark side of mine, none could accept it. None. And I couldn't make them understand, no I have to leave the hope of getting help from a professional. let's see what happens this time.

Thats how i wound up with a diagnoses. Borderline personality disorder with histerionic traits. In the paperwork they gave me it says i have the ability to cause mass hysteria? Like im some kind of x-men character. Ive had four years of one on one counseling and been through 2 courses of dilectic behavioral training. The course in oregon was good. Classroom setting 3/9 week courses of yoga, breathing exercises and meditation. The last one i did here in washington was a "mute" point. I hate to use that word here for fear of sullying it somehow. Shes a christian who tries to force her views on you. Worst part is she was trying not to. I take a daily multivitamin to make sure i get my vitamin d to keep the blues away.~blessed be~

I feel ya. I hate when they don't even want to accept me the way I am, and moreover, forces me to be the way they want.
Thank you so much for sharing. :)

The reality imposed by others will only blind you from the truth; the purest form of answers reside within; everything else are merely designed around this basis. No two people live in the same world, our reality is made up of a mix of countless different worlds that we are naturally interacting with on subconscious levels. The depression you feel is a culmination of all these different realities you are intertwining with, to create the world you see before you. The reality you exist in is inherently designed for what you truly seek at this moment in your life. Often this answer remains hidden and even once it is revealed, all that has truly happened is the challenge has been brought to your conscious awareness.

Your self-doubt will delude your mind from all truth; allow your self to make mistakes for they will help you obtain what you need to move beyond them. Your fear will scatter any real form of happiness that tries to come close to you; allow your fears to come before you and once you have passed, they shall no longer control you. Your anger will drive away the love that the universe naturally shines before you; allow your anger to flow naturally, and allow it to leave naturally as well, do not hold onto it for you are the one who is truly being harmed by it. Your hatred will destroy the natural beauty that is always present in this world; the one you hate most is the same as you or i or any other who may cross your path, the only difference lays in the world they live in and her response to it(the pain others inflict on this world is a reflection of the pain that exists within themselves; that they so desperately try to rid themselves of). Your sorrow will wash away all the memories of true light, and will draw you into the void; allow your sorrow to naturally empty away in the knowing that it's place will be filled with the fruits from the paradise you lost.

There is no running from your suffering, for that will only drag you further into it. The only option you truly have open that will guide you towards the path you seek is to face it, and make peace with it all. You will only find peace and happiness in this world once you are capable of obtaining it within yourself; everything around you only helps with this, but it is ultimately you who is the creator of all before you. We each hold all power that is, the only difference lay in how we naturally direct this power. We each live hard lives, the only difference lay in how our difficulties manifest. You exist as I or any other who may cross your path; understand this truth and you obtain the key to ultimate knowing.