i need a mentor

Meditation does not require words, you may want to look into the different methods of meditation ad find one that works best for you.

There is counting meditation, zen meditation-where you try to quiet your mind, yantra meditation which is symbols, and word meditation as in chanting. also there is walking/or active meditation where you use yoga or Ti- Chi. I ma in a magical online school and in my class we do a week of each type to find what suites us. If you want to try chanting look up Buddhist mantras, that's the word they use. Also i have a feeling you may make a good healer eventually, just my first impression from your post.

thank you