Why don't you try talking with your goddess about this Crone. On the other side of the coin you have to work on yourself as this will effect every relationship you have with men the rest of your life and that includes at work. I know where you come from with it. But I had dealt with most of my luggage before the mail dieties decided to chat with me. It's mainly them I talk with.
My patron is Hekate early in my path with her, i was souround by all the bad stuff said about her but i saw throw it all, their a place for dark and light without the world could not survive.
Mine is Brigid, as soon as I read about her I knew she was the one. At first I wasn't sure if she'd work with me, but I'd ask her to give me hints. She sure did just that, which made our connection stronger. Now she gets my attention when I seem to drift way. I feel there's a god whose trying to call out to me but i'm not sure who it is. I haven't tried meditating or tried connecting with them yet, but I need to.
Just like Brigid, I think just about all god/desses have a "dark" side. It just depends on which side is more highlighted by people, which at times seems to be more of the darker side so to say. As with Brigid she is motherly but also is a fighter.
Well in my opinion Paganism usually is balance. We are honoring earth religion is believing that Mother nature is just and balance. Not "good" nor "Bad", Gods and Goddesses are pure. My patron "Ganapati" is one of the example. We call him "Vighnaraja" as well as "Vighnashaka". "Vighnaraja" means the Lord of Obstacle and "Vighnashaka" means the Remover of Obstacle so He's the one that giving Obstacle as well as the one of who remove it.
Balance is a rather intriguing concept, as it implies that things remain the way they are - 'balanced' - for ever. Of course, anybody with some real life experience knows that things change, move, shift, adapt. Things are constantly in a flux, there really isn't a balance, but a marginal line to be followed. Some times forces are acted upon in a negative light, and others in a positive, more so when influenced by the human being. It's really a fanciful idea of nature.
And to answer the original post, I do not have a patron. I respect and acknowledge nature, and their spirits.
The following on Hecate is my personal experience and knowledge of her. It's just a bit.
Hecate is a rather misunderstood goddess. She is a tri-goddess of the moon and of magic, this is true. She reminds me of cerridwin, a bit, but Hecate is like the nasty woman who doesn't take crap from anyone. She can be good and bad, as she doesn't care either way how things are done, rather that they get the intended result. And through the judeo-christian take over of southern/middle Europe, and southern England, and parts of Wales. she was demonized, as were many of the pagan dieties of the time. I think there was a myth about her snatching children (babies or newborns) and eating them in the middle of the night. Makes me chuckle.
For one thing, I must applaude you for finding a connection with a higher power. Not many people can feel open with, well, anyone, like that.
