I've been using magic and witchcraft for a little over a year.
I turned to it because of having a sleep disorder, I was tired of shoving pills into my body, I tried to find a cure elsewhere. I found that cure in energy leeching.
I'm quite in tune with the energies around me, and after finding a state of meditation where I could manipulate those energies, I began taking them onto myself. The results where insane. My sleep problems went away, my skin conditions where gone, and my usually dry dead hair was soft and shiny. I was leeching off of the pear tree in my back yard for a long time, and over the summer it ended up almost dying. I turned to using crystals, I was so greedy about it all of them lost their lustre and shine. My rose quartz turned gray even!
But in the past two weeks things have been going horridly. Whenever I walk near the pear tree I get severe allergies(I was never allergic to the tree growing up.). And after I drain a crystal they crack or chip. As well, my sleep problems are back, my skin is horrible and my hair is breaking off. I feel so guilty, I was blinded by the need to fix my problems I completely abused my power. I'm terrified. I've been trying to push my positive energies back into the old tree, but nothing is working. How could I ever repay my debt?
With all Magick it comes at a Cost, someone needs to pay to keep the balance, the Abuse of magick has came at a Cost where many are losing control and the planet is striking back and not just because of Global Warming, If i knew the type of Spells you were using I could give you an Indication to what is happening, like using too much Dark Magick i.e Curses and such will cause yourself to become corrupt and going to much into White Magick can send you out of balance because Light can't Exist without Darkness
You are probably out of Balance with your Power, and that DOES NOT mean harming another, or in that similar context, You are pushing too much Positive into it, Try and accept it, the more your resist in the way you are doing now Can cause it to come back stronger
I have never used dark magic or performed any spells,actually. I simply go into a trance state and I'm able to manipulate the energies in my surroundings.
Being anxious about it will only make things worse. In my experience, Nature doesn't work like that and magic doesn't work like that. Nature provides a pretty endless Source from which to draw upon. I think the lesson lies within you.
Perhaps your lesson is now to learn to manipulate your own personal energy instead of relying on your environment so heavily. In health, a person's energy is a mix of environmental qi and qi their body creates from a proper diet, gentle exercise, sleep, emotional control, and deep breathing practices. Judging from the little you wrote about your sleep difficulties, perhaps one of those things is off: are you eating nutritious food? taking time to breathe and quiet your mind daily? are you moving your body enough? are you holding emotions in or being reactive?
There are various internal energetic arts that may be of use as you learn to smoothe out your energetic flow: qigong, tai chi, kundalini yoga, medical qigong, and certain meditation practices. Also, seeking help from an acupuncturist can be of the greatest benefit - their job is to help your body correct any energetic imbalances, and if you see a good one, then they can counsel you towards more positive lifestyle choices.
Remember, wellness is an ebb and flow. If you are fortunate enough to live a long life, your health will go in circles. Just think of this time as a time to learn - what is your body trying to teach you? Your body is wise and your symptoms are your greatest teachers. Turn this into the biggest blessing of your life.
i would try grounding and centering more (or at all) you have taken from the wrong sources and have become dependent of it, now try balancing your chi (qi) through the elements, taking from them as they are plentiful. Just dont take too much
When you take from anything, you must either make sure it gets that energy back in some way, or that the source you are taking from has an endless source. You also need to be careful as to how much you take. It sounds to me that you've conditioned yourself to become a psi vampire. If you aren't careful, and you stop completely, you'll begin taking from everything around you, including people unconsciously.
Try taking energy from moving water, like streams, brooks, the ocean, lakes or rivers. Try pulling up from the earth below you or the wind. These have endless energy, and they won't be harmed by you taking from it.
When using crystals, they are detached from their source and must either be buried, charged with other elements (incense, water, sunlight, moonlight etc) or they will "runout" and go "dead".
A tree is a living thing that breathes out oxygen and breathes in carbon dioxide. It is the opposite to us. As we perform the opposite in breathing. It takes up water and takes in sunlight for nourishment. It is alive and therefore leeching from its energy, if you are taking a lot frequently, it cannot keep up with it. You're taking from its life energy. If you must take from a tree or plant, take from its aura, never the body of the living thing itself.
Psi vampires often learn to take from electrical sources as well. Again, moderation is key.
Everyone takes energy from their surroundings unconsciously, but most take so little, it is unnoticeable and does no damage. But when someone is ill or an unconscious psi vampire, or a psi vampire who is starving themselves from energy after practicing draining daily, they will take much more, and could cause other and that around them to get ill. Magickal users take from the elements in order to strengthen their castings. They only take what they need and give back what they don't use.
If you do take from the earth, or elements, be sure to give back. Offerings to nature spirits, blessings and healings, and honoring ceremonies all show an effort of give and take. In any healthy relationship there must always be a give and take.
