I have what I have assumed to be a demon in me. Before you just think I'm just some nut job or an attention whore please hear me out. It all started when I was young ( Maybe 7 or 8 ) I saw a lady in a hospital dress outside of my door. ( I was going to go downstairs. ) This lady had blood red eyes and black skin. ( When I say her eyes were red I mean just red.) I when I walked out and saw her all she did was point at me and say "You". Shortly after that I gained a strong dislike for religion and when ever I saw a cross I'd get really uneasy. Now crosses don't bother me but if I enter a church I get sick and sweat allot and the thought of holly water just makes me sick. ( Note when I was really young I wanted to learn magic, only problem is that I liked black magic. Please tell me if that could have an impact on what happened.) But if anyone can help that would be great.
It could be a few things really. If what you say is true [it could of been your imagination or a dream] then this being could of attached itself to you. If it was a dream/imagination the sheer shock could of effected you to subconsciously act different around religious symbols believing the creature was causing the upset.
I had a friend who swore her eyes burned whenever she entered a church, but I think its mind over matter since she's one of those Christian hating pagans. My family are Christian, and sometimes I go to church with them for whatever reason. Once I felt uneasy but I don't know why.every other time I've been fine, its just a building. Yes, religious practice happens inside, but it shouldn't effect you, so I think its a mental thing.
Try a cleansing and protection. Shielding wouldn't hurt either. For these memories, try meditation or skrying. Facing your fears is better than ignoring them. No matter what it was, the energy still effects you, so find some way to let it go. This should also help with your discomfort in churches.
Regarding the black magick comment, you should be sure to cleanse and protect often. While the negative effects of karma cannot be avoided, the negative energy that weighs 'black magick users' down can be. It could of been your inexperience caused something to attack you, being drawn by the energy.
About churches making you feel sick and sweat a lot. These are the key symptoms of anxiety. You are uncomfortable there mentally and emotionally, no? I get uneasy around crosses too, but it isn't because I have a demon in me, it's because the image of a dead man that was tortured being hung as an ornament on the wall just doesn't sit right with me. I think it's extremely morbid and disrespectful to the dead. The "thought of holy water" should also give away that this is entirely mental. A thought of something holy is not going to somehow have power to repel you. Perhaps you should analyze what it is about churches and crosses that causes these emotions in you. People these days rarely consider their thoughts and emotions and it's very unhealthy. I would say that you should consider soul searching and finding a faith that makes you feel good and secure.
Magick has no color. There is no black and white, or rainbow for that matter. It is important to learn about magick as a whole and not worry about color. Life is a double sided coin. Someone that heals can cause disease and injury. Someone that blesses can curse. These are not separate, they are merely different applications of the same knowledge and methods.
And lastly, the hospital gown gives away that this was a spirit of the dead, a shade, a lost soul, a "ghost", whatever you wish to call it. How many people do you think die in hospitals when they have unfinished business? How many people do you think die in hospitals with no one to mourn for them? No one to care? How many die there with mental illnesses, alone and scared, hoping that they can live just a little longer so they can make a change, do things differently? Can you now imagine, how many souls roam our plane after they die in a state of pure hatred, anger, and sorrow? If you believe that people that die after living an isolated or ignorant life become "demons" then yes, the women was a "demon". I wouldn't quite call her that.
But this spirit of the dead is far from powerful, and if you feel she is around you still, then I suggest that you not fuel her negativity with more negativity, but instead, bid her peace and bless her, give her an offering of gratitude for her departing from your life. See if she leaves. Sometimes it's all that is needed. But if that doesn't work, banish her and call in a psychopomp to drag her to a place that she can snap out of her delusions.
You don't understand it's not like some wandering spirit that just passed through my life she hasn't left. Personally I think she just wants me to suffer. But if she shows her face to me one more time I'm not blessing anything I'll try to fight her off the only way I know how, my fists. If she's just a lost spirit I'll assume she will get the message.
maybe its that vampire spell you did that you were posting about 2 days ago...you do not have a demon in you, you are not becomming a vampire. You need to stop posting your fantasy fiction here. If you are truely interested in learning the craft feel free to visit newbie central and check out the articles tab and please just stop the fantasy fiction.
"What will the side effects of the vampire spell be? It's causing me to get aggressive and my eyes are tinting red when I get random jolts of anger can anyone help me out?"
