I agree with what Vanitys said but if you still want to be with your husband then I suggest speaking to a counselor and a social worker to help maintain the relationship as separating should be the last resort.
I agree with the others.....get some counselling if you want to keep him.
Else just get out of it. Life is too short to take crap from negative people who constantly put you down. You should not have to force someone to treat you kindly or with respect.
well, while I do believe that abusers can change if they want to and if they love the person enough, it doesn't mean one should put up with ongoing abuse of any kind whether it be physical, sexual or mental.
If you do want to make the relationship work, Try things outside of magick as well - like couple therapy and talking issues through and expressing yourself in a logical, non-attacking way.
Magick wise, I'd say you'd do more gentle things like sending him love, trying to cleanse his anger, and things of that nature. You can also bind him, if those things aren't working.
But like I said, if these things don't work after a time set by you, you should probably just leave. Yes, people can change, not everyone that does bad things will always do bad things or is a bad person. But it comes to a point where some people do not want to change and if you're holding on, allowing yourself to be hurt over and over, you, him and the relationship are not growing at all. It would probably just be better to leave.
Now, if there is any kinds of physical abuse or sexual abuse, I'd advise you just leave right away because if he's having violent and aggressive outbursts theres a chance he could seriously harm you or do worse. No one deserves that kind of treatment or to be in that kind of danger.
Ether way, in my views, mental abuse is just as harmful, if not more. Bruises and marks heal up, pain fades, but insults and words always stick in your mind. And if they are coming from someone you really love or care for, it's extremely, extremely painful. I know this because I've been through all these types of abuse.
Be careful. Goddess bless.
Going along with the idea that you should leave if he doesn't change after a set period of time.. you must remain strict with yourself about that time frame. I know how easy it is to tell yourself "well he's almost there, maybe if I give him more time..." but in doing that you are only fooling yourself. You should tell him what you think is wrong and how you would like it to change. If he doesn't listen ti you you can write it down in a note or text it to him. He might be upset, but if he cares he will read it the whole way through.
Let's say you decide "if he's like this at the end of a month, I'm going to be done"
1] don't tell him that. You can tell him you will leave if he doesn't change but don't say the "you have a month" part. Then he will wait until the month is up, think you are staying no matter what because of it, and he will go right back to him old ways after that.
2] remain strict in your decision. You owe it to yourself. I think of it like "well I promised my past self that I would." Or "my future self is depending on me"
Just a thought there.
A couple of my stepdads were abusive. In more ways than one. They would go through periods where you could think they were don't with their crap, but then soon they went right back downhill again. Think people like that do it on purpose because they know you WANT to love them. And they know that if they constantly do it you will become fed up with it and leave. So they pace themselves, in such a way that just when you think all hope is lost theres a calmness in the waters, and vice versa. Especially the mentally abusive, make it sound like its your fault, you feel like you need them, but they just jerk you around.The only way out for me was to leave, and open my mouth about it to the right person.
Even if there was magick that could stop his abuse, it would not be a true fix but a temporary one. Imagine there is a leak in a pipe. You put the pipes above a container. The container has a hole. So you plug up the hole. What happens? Does the leak stop? No. Even though water isn't going everywhere it is building. Either the hole will reopen or the container will overfill and what you thought was a horrible leak will be diminished in value by the gigantic mess that comes.
When you try to contain anger, it builds. The more bottled up it becomes the more violent it will be when it is released. If you needed a few weeks to find a new place and were leaving him, and you wanted safety during those weeks, that's doable. But a permanent fix? That's a change that has to be something he wants. Counseling, self help books, religion, hobbies, the list goes on as to ways abusive people can learn to express themselves and embrace better ways. But most people that are abusive are also insecure. And telling them their is something wrong with their behavior will only set off those insecurities on overtime. Tell someone that thinks they're ugly that they're ugly and what's going to happen? Nothing good! Tell someone that already feels inferior that they're below par on their behavior, and it's going to go badly. That's why it is so difficult for these people to ever improve themselves. People abuse those they see as inferior to themselves so they feel superior in some realm of their life. Those that are abused are generally either also insecure in a passive way or they were made to be insecure by the abuser's emotional/mental abuse.
There is no real way around it. The only couples I have ever seen get better in this situation was when the woman seriously left. You don't have to necessarily divorce but "legal separation" is a handy thing. Strength spells and healing on yourself is a great way to facilitate this magickally.
Walking away is a wake up call that you're not someone he can control and manipulate. And it can go two ways, he can either realize you deserve respect and that he loves you and will better himself to stop hurting you OR he will become a crazy stalker and you'll end up going through with the divorce.
During this period of time, you can practice magick to reveal truth. But keep in mind, the truth is not always pleasant.
