Self love spell

I know this is against my own free will, but i hate my life and myself. What spell will reverse that. I can't use candles in my bedroom where i have privacy so it can't be one that needs those

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Rather than a spell (although they could be thought of as being one) you could use affirmations. Those require no ingredients or tools and anyone can do them. Check out what I wrote about them at http://www.tangledmoon.org/affirmations.htm

I suggest meditating on loving kindness for every living being. Magic only works when you want it to work and since you don't actually want it to, why would you try to use it?