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A fairy tale for the assertive woman of the millenium.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shore of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle, with my Mother... Where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the Princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly saut?ed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:


I don't !#@$ing think so.

Dianaic: @#$% happens when men are around.

Norse: If #$@$ happens, beat the crap out of it.

Feminist: Get in touch with your inner @#$%.

Solitary: If shit happens; Duck!

Eco-Feminist: We've got to clean up this @#$%.

Gardenarian: @#$% happens in degrees.

Alexandrian: @#$% happens because Gardner told us so.

Dabbler: We have ways of making @#$% happen.

Eclectic: We make our own @#$$.

Newbie: I don't understand this @#$%.

Ceremonial Magician: No-one understands my @#$%.

Wiccan: You must balance your @#$%.

Witch: I can use this @#$%.

Druid: This is old @#$%.

Greek: Let's drink to this @#$#.

Reconstructionist: This @#$% happened before.

Celtic: This @#$% keeps happening to us.

Modern Western: We'll fight to keep our @#$%.

Fundamentalist: We know who to blame for this @#$%.

Priest: This @#$% happens every year.

Traditionalist: Don't tell anyone about this @#$%.

Fam-Trad: I inherited this @#$%.

Former Catholics: If @#$% happens, I'm not to blame, I'm not to blame...

Techno-Pagan: This @#$% always happens when I'm online.

I didn't make any of these