Spell Creation?

I was wondering if the community here on SOM would be willing to assist a fellow Pagan? I'm trying to write my own spells, but I'm not gifted with rhymes. I was hoping that if I wrote out short prayers/spells/intentions...if the community here might be capable of re-wording them into a new creation that flows easily from the tongue?

For example:

(Nightly Prayer)
Maiden, I join your presence. I thank you for the experiences of naivety and the freedom to error in my judgments so that I may learn from these wrongful choices.

Mother, I admire your presence. I thank you for blessing me with a wonderful and attentive mother that devotes herself to her family, sometimes forgetting her own. I'm not yet a mother in my rights, but I hope to instill your warmth in my children as you've given me through choosing my mother to be mine.

Crone, I respect your presence. I'm grateful for your wisdom. I'm still young in my mind, but I take your teachings and guidance with admiration. I will approach this phase of my life with grace and elegance. Just as you teach us, women, to do so.

Hades, I honor your position. The guardian of souls. Please keep my grandfather's essence safe and secure, joining him with his beloveds. Creature and human. I hope he's at peace. Thank you for not taking him away too soon.

Great Goddesses, Honorable God, I thank you all for this day and shall speak with you in the morning's light. So mote it be.

(Should I keep this prayer as it is, or could someone offer me a different construction so that the intentions remain even though the words flow more smoothly?)

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It's not necessary for a spell to rhyme in order for it to work! Some just use rhyme because it is more memorable and flowing. Don't worry too much about it.

Thank you. :) I love reading spells online and I've always been enchanted by the ryhmes, but I can't write them myself. HAHA.

I think this is absolutely wonderful! As stated above, spells and prayers don't necessarily have to rhyme. Although couplets and rhythm do add to the energy, if words are spoken from the heart when casting it will be just as affective! My prayers are never written or spoken in rhyme. Your prayer is very lovely and very much your own. I wouldn't change it at all :)