Mixed Feelings

I remember using this site when I was a young teenager. I went with the name Chaos and even became a mod at one point before deleting my account. Made a lot of friends and tried my best to expland the site. Then I came back in 2013 I think but went with the username Nash. I had to leave because I join the military and just lost the password. Life has been busy. Came back so many years later and at first I was amazed that the site is still up and people are still around. Even more so that people I remember in a small bit back then. But after being on here for an hour, the emotions hit me when I saw that no one else was around. I only got one mail and that was from someone asking me if I know how to cast spells. They haven't replied to my return letter.

I feel sad that this site turned out the way it did. It really breaks my heart when I see someone that has been here with the same account for over ten years still around, trying to do their part to keep this place alive. I just don't know how else I should feel. I guess this is the same feeling when returning home from a long mission only to find out your high school friends already moved away and the town you grew up in is just grey and different. Like visiting a grave.

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I suppose that is the tricky thing about time. Things always move forwards and as people we both want that movement, and hate it too.

New things, new ideas, new ways, they all keep life fresh and interesting. Newness fuels wonder and discovery. But when things stay the same it is comfortable. Familiar and nostalgic. Safe.

So I suppose returning to an old haunt and finding it to be just that, an old haunt, can be at once comforting, and boring.

Personally, though, my stay over the last couple years has been a but more constant so I've experienced more of an ebb and flow. Different times and seasons might bring a rush of young new faces who appear and ask a bunch of the same beginner questions. Some don't like the answers they get and leave. Some don't like what they learn and argue their case. Others learn something new and hang about, or become satisfied with their interest and quietly move on.

A very few stay and silently lurk about, or perhaps on occasion even contribute some of their own ideas and surmisings.

Then there would be a lull. Things would die down, and it would be time to lounge about and wait for the next surge. Like watching waves on a beach.

I suppose it just reflects on that old adage that rings so true; many are called, few are chosen.

Magic on the surface is fantastic and appealing. It makes a person think they can be 'powerful' and in control. But then they discover that there is more to it. Work and study, Self-reflection and the realization that these journeys are inwards first. That there are limits and nuances. That it is not an escape; it is an immersion.

And so it is that most (almost all, really) fail to stick to a path and dig in because other, more interesting distractions draw them away.