I work with a cat rescue organization and I'm the one who generally ends up fostering the shy and fearful cats. There really isn't a spell that will suddenly turn a cat from a frightened stray into a loving companion. Doing that takes time and patience.
When a new cat comes to me for socializing I always start out with them living in a large cage so they can hide somewhere I can't find them, or accidentally slip back out the door. If they are especially fearful I will cover half of the cage with a blanket so they feel like they are in a safe cave. (Right now I have two new cats who are in a cage in the living room hiding under their bed.)
I spend time every day talking to them or sitting just outside the cage. This lets them get more used to me while not panicking them with the thought that I am going to try to grab them or hurt them. Watch their behaviors. They will let you know when they feel comfortable enough with you to let you pet them. Don't push the issue. Go at their time.
I feed twice a day. and I always sit and talk to them when I first put the food in the cage. This helps them understand that good things come from your hand.
As they become more comfortable, I will take them out of the cage and let them loose in a room where they cannot run away. Then I sit on the floor and talk to them. If they are comfortable coming to me when I am not looming over them, that's good. If not, well there will be other days.
Like Rome, trust isn't built in a day. Respect the cat and its fears. Go only as fast as the cat is able and willing to go. If you can do this you'll find one day that the cat is ready to trust you completely and you'll have a great companion.
Now, having said all this let me add one other comment. If the animal is a stray that used to have a home and be around people then what I have suggested will work. On the other hand, if it is truly a feral cat, born wild and never had human interaction it is exceedingly difficult if not impossible to gain their trust. They are then wild animals and all they know of humans is that they are a danger. Such cats do better in a trap/neuter/release program or perhaps as barn cats.
In addition to Lark's suggestions, here are some more that may help:
Don't stare directly into the cat's eyes. Staring is considered aggressive. Instead, narrow your eyes and blink slowly at the cat. I've read that this tells the cat that you're not a threat and is a sign of trust and affection. The cat may even blink slowly back.
Don't approach the cat with an open hand. An open hand can make the cat think you might strike at them. Make a fist instead, with the index finger extended slightly. If the cat wants to be petted, he or she may nuzzle your hand. Focus on touching the head at first. I wouldn't try a full back pet unless the cat is really comfortable with you.
If the cat lies down and rolls over on his or her back, it's a sign of trust and not always an invite to rub the belly. Some cats do enjoy a belly rub, but not all. The belly is a cat's most vulnerable area, and incorrectly interpreting this action can lead to some nasty scratches and or bites.
Should the cat allow you to pet him or her, don't pet for too long or too much in the same spot. Cats can be very sensitive, and repeated petting in the same place can be painful. They can also be overstimulated, which can result in aggression. I have a cat who can be a little jumpy when it comes to being touched. We've worked out a system in which I wait for her to nuzzle my hand before I pet her. I pet her once, then wait for her to nuzzle again. This lets her control how much petting she gets so she doesn't get overstimulated.
Of course, I recommend reading about cat behavior and body language, then put what you've learned into practice. There's also the concept of telepathic animal communication if you want to do some research into that. It can't hurt!
Overall, patience is key. Some cats take a very long time to trust strangers as Lark pointed out.
Re: Tame Stray Kitten By: Misanthropy Moderator / Adept
Post # 4 Jan 16, 2021
Like Lark, I work with a local rescue organization and have for several years. The info she and others have provided are a wonderful starting point. Now, on the off chance that this isn't a kitten that you brought home and need to tame, I'll add some tips here as well.
If this is a stray that you've found in your neighborhood, don't chase the kitten or try to force it to show you affection. This only stresses the cat out and makes it fearful of you. Provide the kitten food and talk to him or her while you offer them the meal. If you can, sit close by and speak to them, but not close enough that the cat shows signs of fear or anxiety.
Don't make quick or jerky movements. Move slow and do not hover over the cat.
Understand the cat's boundaries and let them make the first move. Over time, trust can be built and the cat will let you get closer to them, but move slowly and if the cat runs or pulls back don't , push it. The cat needs to be in command of how the progress moves forward. Let the cat have control of the situation. It needs to be on their terms, not yours.
I have stray cats that I've worked with and tamed. This process took nearly 6 full months before the cats would show affection or felt comfortable enough to allow meto actually pet them for more than a few moments.
Over time, the cats became curious and would come close enough to sniff me or allow me to pet their head or ears before they'd run. Through this process, they realized that I could be trusted and wouldn't harm them.
If you need a good book on cat care, behavior, etc I'd suggest: Cat Lover's Daily Companion - 365 Days on Insight and Guidance for Living a Joyful Life with Your Cat.
